Gain And Loss

Last night my Nan-Naw peacefully passed away. We found out a few weeks ago that she had cancer, aggressive lung cancer. We are so blessed that all of her grandchildren had time to see her and tell her good-bye. My siblings and I were her only grandchildren, but we are pretty scattered from Pennsylvania to Missouri to Nebraska, so I'm thankful that we all had the opportunity to see her one last time.

Telling her good-bye

I know that in times of grief and loss we always (rightfully) focus on the good point of the person for whom we are grieving, but my Nan-Naw was truly extraordinary in the ways that meant so much to her grandchildren. She spent time with us. She and I spent hours talking on the phone after I moved away from Texas. She always had time. Always.

Her 80th birthday

She and J took us on trips, had us to their house one at a time, made Christmas a magical time, and did everything they could to make sure we knew they truly treasured us.

She wasn't thrilled when we joined the Mennonite church, but she and J didn't let that get in the way of loving us. They crossed the cultural boundaries, which I know was not easy. They accepted our spouses and loved our children, both the biological ones and the adopted ones. They loved us all and loved us well.

Our whole family in 2012 with J and Nan-Naw in the front (the group is much larger now)

She introduced herself to all of our friends as Nan-Naw. If you were a friend of her grandchild then she accepted you! I don't think very many of my friends know her first name. Even the ones she only knew as adults.

I have so many sweet memories. So many memories that we will be talking about and sharing for years to come. Her name is inscribed on each of her grandchildren's hearts because she always made sure we knew our names were inscribed on hers.

Coming out to meet us at her house in 2013

I don't know what life without Nan-Naw will be like. I don't want to know or think about it. But I do know that she was ready to go. She was peaceful and unafraid. She told us that she will be waiting for us in heaven. And she triumphed in death. She faced it bravely and though we grieve for her our hearts are comforted with these thoughts.

She told J she wants him to move closer to some of the family after she is gone because he will be able to see part of her in the little great-grandchildren. It is true she lives on in us and our children. Not only through genetic traits, but through her example of love and devotion.

Martin Family Picnic

Yesterday we met the rest of the Martin family at the Caledonia State Park. We got there in time for lunch and stayed until after supper. We hadn't seen some of the family for several months so it was fun to see how the babies had grown and catch up with everyone.

The food was fabulous and people had a wonderful time playing volleyball and throwing horse shoes, but I didn't take pictures of that. Somehow I end up with pictures of the babies and little ones, but I don't think you can blame me!

I was pretty amused when I found out Keith's mother had rented a soft ice cream machine and his brother brought a generator so that we could have soft ice cream right at our pavilion! I still am not convinced that the noise and fuel smell was worth it, but I think I'm the odd (wo)man out there! Logan obviously disagreed!

Ok, I didn't only take baby pictures. I never pass up a chance to snap a picture of this handsome man! Our children are going to have hundreds of pictures of him and only a handful of me from their growing up years.

On the way home Freeland commented that we should get together more often and invite the different families to our house more frequently. That is exactly what I want to hear from the children after a day spent with family!

First Day of School 2016

Four years ago we pulled our boys out of the private Christian school they had always attended and started homeschooling. Douglas was in 8th grade, Freeland 4th, Casper 2nd, and Annika was in Kindergarten. We said at the time that we wanted to do it, but that we weren't die-hard homeschoolers who would never consider sending them back to school. And here we are, four years later.

Douglas has graduated high school and is working for a year before starting college. Freeland is in 9th grade, Casper in 7th, Annika 4th, and Eliana is repeating 1st. This morning I smilingly waved the four youngest off as they boarded a school bus headed to a private Christian school. I believe this is a good thing for them. I believe they will benefit in many ways, and I believe I will also benefit from the reduced responsibility.

But four years is a long time, we have had our schedule, fit in our groove. A groove gets pretty deep in four years! So it is hard. It is hard to not know how things are going for them right now, hard to think about them being gone for so many hours every day. Hard to imagine that this too will become routine.

I have to say, they did look pretty cute heading out! Eliana was fine all morning and then got a little anxious as they were actually getting on the bus. She had noodles for breakfast and took them in her lunch in a thermos too, she should be all set with comfort food! (Does her teacher know that she is a delicate, sensitive child who needs lots of encouragement?!) 

So here is to the new beginning in the Martin family! And please let this day pass quickly and bring them all home safely! Tomorrow and all of the tomorrows will seem easier I think.

Photos Taken Today

So why don't I look like this when I first get up?

Doing our Redneck roots proud!

Well, mom has the camera out, why not look gorgeous?

Sad things happen even on the best of days!

Meeting Ava

You might think it would take something truly remarkable to cause me to break my blog silence, and you would be correct!

You see this little sweetheart? I first met her when she was just under 1 year old. She wasn't overly happy to meet any of us on the Superkids team, if I remember correctly! I met her two more times in that orphanage in Changsha, China as time moved on.

Just over a year ago I followed along on Facebook as she met her family and continued to love each update as she has adjusted to life in a family.

Last week her family was traveling through our area and stopped here overnight. Her mom is a wonderful lady who is a strong advocate for all of our little Superkids, so I loved meet her! The rest of the family is just as sweet as can be and we enjoyed an evening of adults visiting while the children played outside.

Words fail me in attempting o relate my feelings as I watched Ava running around in our yard chasing fireflies with my kids. Somehow them sharing this simple summertime activity was so iconic to me. How many generations of children have experienced this carefree activity? And here they were, our children, their children, some from orphanages, some not, laughing and sharing this joy of the darkening summertime evening together.

Casper happened to be Ava's favorite. She called him Captain and had him wrapped around her little finger in no time! "Captain, can you take me to the bouncy house (trampoline)? "Captain, you are my best friend!" It's no wonder he adored her!

The time spent with Ava and her family is pretty much at the top of my favorite things that happened this summer!

Vacation and Oasis Tour Time!

Tomorrow morning the children and I plan to leave bright and early to drive to Texas. Since I can't drive right now we will be relying on Douglas to do all of the driving. We are hoping to arrive at my parents' house by Sunday evening, but if that is pushing it we may end up getting a hotel Sunday night and finishing the trip Monday morning.

I'm planning to spend a few days there before flying up to Baltimore to meet Keith so that I can accompany him on the Oasis Chorale summer tour. We will be traveling from Virginia to South Carolina this time. You can see our calendar of events here. If you are along the route holler and maybe we can meet! I would love to see any and all of you at one of the concerts!

The children will be staying in Texas while we are on the tour. They are pretty excited about that. I wonder if they will be excited when they are hauling hay in 100+ temperatures? They always have such a wonderful time there, so I'm not worried.

I have to admit that all of this looks pretty overwhelming to me in my current physical condition. We are trying to build as much cushion and time to relax into the schedule as we can, but your prayers are much appreciated.

Decisions, Decisions

We are making some big decisions around here. Most of them relate in one way or another to my health issues because they have become a factor that must be considered. We are making concrete steps to make things work better for all of us.

Some of these things are small and it means a mere minor adjustment in life, like working around the issue of me not being able to drive right now. So grocery shopping happens in the evenings or on Saturday. Other shopping is done online as much as possible. You know, things like that.

Other decisions are complex, like deciding that we need to send our children to school and looking for a school that meets our children's needs and our family values. Thankfully there are good options in our area and we feel comfortable with enrolling our children in a nearby Christian school. I still feel a little like I'm going to cry when I think of them not being here during the day next year, but we know that managing stress and busyness is important for me, so it is the best decision for now.

We also decided to try a new medication in spite of its prohibitive cost and, though it is too soon to tell for sure, it seems to be giving me more relief from pain than anything else has. I'm very hopeful!

I try to spend some time outside each day. I take a short walk and then lie in my chair and look at the sky and listen to the breeze blowing through the trees. It is so relaxing and beautiful.

We recently started attending a different church. It was a difficult decision, but we have been attending for a little while now and feel comfortable there.

One thing remains a constant. God is still good. Through the changes and the decisions, He is there, and He is good.