Resurrection

It's been a long time since I posted. I've been busy. Life has been challenging. Isn't it always? But we have so many things changing and happening in our life that I want to resurrect the blog to document it all. And to have a place to process it in the way I process best- writing.

I have thought a lot about resurrection recently. It is that time of year. We just celebrated Easter. Every day the world around us is showing new life. And I want to tell you a little story about another resurrection taking place in my own heart.

Keith and I went to the Together Called marriage retreat for adoptive parents a little over a month ago. It was a refreshing time in many ways, but more than that, the weekend held one recurring theme for me: healing. As we opened up about my health issues people offered to pray for me then and there. One person even anointed me with frankincense she had in her purse. A sweet friend told me that God put on her heart to pray for me one night and she stayed up praying and claiming scriptural promises for me.

I went into the weekend in a great deal of pain. And I ended up handling it all well. I believe that God heard those prayers and touched a specific place in my back that was causing exceptionally high pain levels, but I also believe He used that weekend to resurrect hope in my heart.

I came home and made some calls about a treatment we had been looking into and occasionally talking about for a long time. And we decided to move forward.

Keith, Freeland, and I leave for Panama where I will be receiving stem cell therapy on Saturday. We plan to be gone for 1 week. I will be receiving, God willing and if everything goes according to plan, stem cell from cord blood or cord tissue from live, healthy births by IV and injections directly into my worst joints. Please pray that God uses this for healing!

I'm throwing some pictures from my recent trip to Taiwan in this post just because they are pretty and I am so grateful to be able to do what I do.

Y'all stay tuned. This is not the only big thing on the horizon for the Martin clan!

My Heart{s}

They say that when you have a child you... "decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." 

This past week has been one of moments where I have been reminded how much I love my tribe. We picked up the children from school before noon on Wednesday and all headed to Great Wolf Lodge in the Poconos. Douglas met us there. The room was so nice, we had a suite to accommodate all 7 of us. Having Douglas there just added to the magic.

The children played hard in the waterpark. I had planned for this trip for quite a while, including getting matching pajamas for the children. They were such good sports going out to the main lobby for pictures. As we stood there between the little performance and the bedtime story in front of the fireplace real snowflakes started falling from the ceiling. The next day Kayla (Douglas' girlfriend) came to join us. I had fun watching the kids and taking pictures. As I looked though these fun pictures my heart was just  bursting!

On Sunday Douglas and Kayla came right away in the morning so that we could celebrate Christmas with both of them. The children opened gifts from them. I think it is safe to say they loved them! Timber got to open his gift and some really great pictures happened again!

Douglas and Kayla had driven back to PA from SC where they had visited Kayla's grandpa, they were pretty tired and snoozed a bit off and on throughout the day.

We all went to a Christmas service at the church Kayla's family attends. This is also the church Douglas has gone to since he moved out, so it was nice to visit there. 

And so these children of mine keep marching on, never realizing that I look at them with such a combination of joy, pride, and bittersweet pain. I hang on to every moment, knowing how quickly they change and grow and knowing that the sweet moments of this year will be outgrown by next year.

To J, With Love

On Saturday my J passed away. Today is 2 years since Nan-Naw passed. I know they are together again and they must be rejoicing. I know that J is walking tall, confident, and pain free once more, as he did when he carried me on his shoulders when I was a little girl. In my mind I can recognize the goodness of his passing, but my heart is still broken.

 He is part of my earliest memories. I remember he and Nan-Naw pushing me on a swing. He was behind me and Nan-Naw in front. He would tickle me when the swing went back and she would tickle me feet when it went forward. We were all three laughing. I remember the warmth of the air and the feeling of being loved. This is one of my earliest memories.

 When I went to their house sometimes I would borrow one of J's t-shirts to sleep in. I remember how soft they were and how they smelled so fresh. I remember the way it felt on the top of my feet where the t-shirt hung to because it was so big on me.

 Through the years he did so many things for us. Once they took us 4 oldest girls on vacation to the Gulf of Mexico. They bought a box of peaches along the way and Nan-Naw was trying to get us to eat the peaches before they spoiled. J would slip us cookies under the peaches when Nan-Naw wasn't looking.

 I remember him sitting on the beach watching us play in the water for hours. His bald head and the top of his feet were blistered the next day.

I remember sitting on his shoulders to feed sea gulls and being terrified as they swooped towards me. I remember "betting" on horses with him at the races.

I remember him always being there. Patient, mostly quiet, through my entire life. Grumbling a little here and there as he patiently baited hooks for us and took us to the fair and bought Long John Silver's and took us to Pizza Hut and made shelves, doll cradles, and kitchen sets for us. But always, always ready to step in and do anything at a moment's notice if we needed anything at all.

And now he is gone. No amount of recognizing that it is better for him takes away the sting of the finality of death. But no amount sting and grief now takes away the hope that I will see him and Nan-Naw, whole and strong again some day.

Thank you, J, for teaching me about love and sacrifice. Thank you for your unconditional acceptance.