Her Little Wounded Heart

This is a post that has been rattling around in my brain for a long time.  I have started it several times and always aborted the effort part way through.  You see, her little heart has been wounded, but it is her heart we are talking about here and no mother lightly speaks of the wounding of her precious daughter's heart.

First let me tell you a little about Eliana.  She is precious!  She has the sweetest personality of anyone I know.  She is very affectionate and gives us dozens of kisses in a day's time.  She is generally within a few feet of where I am and is often holding onto me (seriously, it is a good thing I wear dresses all the time, a skirt gives her a little more freedom to hold on and still be able to play).  If she is holding my hand she kisses it over and over.  Most mornings she comes over to our bedroom at around 5:30 to enjoy some drowsy cuddle time.  This morning I was whispering to her that she is "Daddy's girl and Mommy's girl" and she nodded her sleepy little head in agreement.  Precious, precious moments!

But she is oh so fragile!  Both physically and emotionally.  It is painful to realize that her clingy little hands symbolize her needy little heart.  She really does not understand that we are not going to just disappear one of these days.  Annika went with Keith for most of the day recently.  Eliana kept asking for her all day.  Of course we assured her that Annika would come back soon.  She cried when I gave her a bath and got her ready for bed.  "Annika" was all she said.  When Annika walked in shortly thereafter she screamed in delight.  And laughed.  And celebrated loudly.  And could not stop kissing her.  And it broke my heart.  She doesn't know.  My baby doesn't know safety and security.  She doesn't know what having a family means.

We have heard a lot about "orphanage behaviors" as we adopted our girls.  We never saw any of the "typical" things with Annika.  We do with Eliana.  She rocks herself and sucks on her fingers, totally zoned out, while she is going to sleep.  She has had difficulty with food textures.  She flinches when you make a sudden movement near her face.  It is hard to see.  We cannot help but wonder what all she experienced before she came to us.

But... she is healing.  Her little wounded heart is learning to trust.  Her little hands still cling, but no longer only to me.  She is learning that she can find security in Keith as well.  It is the most amazing thing to be her parents.  We get to be the ones who show her the love that comes from the One who "heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds..."