Between Two Realities

Last week at this time I was sitting in a seat in a metal tube that was hurtling through the air. I was headed home and could not wait to get here! I'm so happy to be home! I love being here where everything is comfortable and easy! I love being here with my children. I love waking up in the morning and listening to what Annika dreamed last night. I love talking to Keith any time I want to just because I can.

But I have to say, in a lot of ways I still feel like I'm in that metal tube suspended between the two realities that make up my life. I'm here, but the more often I go to China the less successful I am at smoothly transitioning back when I get home. I've met some of those children four times now. This time I saw little faces light up with recognition over and over. These children are so precious to me. Their lives are so very real to me! I can't just go home and get on with life. I have children in China whose lives have become intertwined with mine, at least for a time, hopefully only until their family can bring them home.

It is extremely difficult to even try to explain what it is like. Living and breathing and doing everything here. And loving it, being fully engaged here. But at the same time being always aware of the fact that in another world, children I love are existing in less than ideal circumstances. They are always on my heart and mind.

I used to be able to compartmentalize a little better. But the more real their lives become to me, the less successful I am at this. Re-entry has always been a little difficult, but I somehow thought it would get easier the more times I do it. It doesn't work that way. And it is probably good that it doesn't, but...

They are always on my mind!