Birthday Party Day for Annika

We don't do a lot of birthday parties. We have done a few through the years. Last year we did a big one for Eliana, but let the other children invite friends too. It has long been one of Annika's wishes to have a real birthday party.

So we just up and plan it and pulled it off. We kept it small, but we tie-dyed shirts and had cupcake and I think it was a smashing success judging by the pictures!

It was one of those good, old-fashioned invite a few friends over for cake and ice cream parties and it reminded me how much fun a few little girls can have together for an afternoon. We played a few games and had a treasure hunt, but mostly they jumped on the trampoline and played outside. It happened that we planned it for one of the few nice days weather-wise recently, so we were very thankful for that!

I believe my sweet girl is turning 11 in style. It is her birth-week and there are more fun things to come.

Family Day in DC April 2018

On Sunday we loaded up the crew bright and early and headed out to drive to Washington, DC. We wanted to get to the National Cathedral in time for their 11:15 service. (Douglas had to stay behind this time due to a busy schedule. I know it is inevitable, but this mama isn't ready to have a child miss out on a family day!)

There is something about a beautiful, grandiose building that stills the heart and reminds one how small and insignificant we are and how glorious God is. I do believe that you do not need impressive buildings to worship in, but sometimes having a visual reminder of God's glory can make for a meaningful worship service.

They had a special service in memory of Martin Luther King Jr's final sermon there 50 years ago on March 31st, just a few days before his assassination. We sat and listened to a recording of that final sermon from 50 years ago and many challenges rang just as true today as they did then.

After the service we headed to the National Zoo. Our main goal was to see pandas. We were wildly successful. They have beautiful displays indoors where you can just watch the pandas right there. It was so fun! We also saw elephants and lions and lots of other fun animals. I had so much fun watching the girls rush from animal to animal, Casper snapping pictures, and Freeland pointing out unique things about the animals.

Our next stop was the tidal basin to see cherry blossoms. After some intense walking along the road with a wheelchair experiences we were happy that the blossoms were truly at their peak and gorgeous!

Part of what made the day successful was that we took my wheelchair this time. Keith and Freeland wheeled me all over the zoo, along busy streets, and to the Jefferson Memorial. I could never have walked the miles we covered that day! But I am not used to being pushed in a wheelchair either. There is this trust factor that enters in and it can be a little scary. At one point Freeland and Casper decided to race. Freeland was pushing the wheelchair. Let's just say I haven't moved that fast in quite a while!

The girls got a little turn in the wheelchair. Keith horrified them by taking it down step backwards. Poor girls! :)

It was such a good day the whole way around.

Bonus Snow Day!

When you have a snow day after the official first day of spring, it feels like a bonus. And when it is a big enough snow storm to actually close school for not only the four younger kids, but also for Douglas, there is great rejoicing in the Martin household. Add in Chick-Fil-A closing for the day and Douglas having the day off and it feels like a true holiday.

I laughed watching the dog running after Freeland, the snow is deep enough that running is pretty difficult, but they had so much fun!

Eliana was just free-falling into the snow. You can do that when there is a foot of snow to cushion your fall.

We are thinking that we can probably count on at least a delay for school tomorrow. We are hoping anyway, not bad for a spring snow storm...

What They Don't Tell You

As moms we pass the wisdom down from generation to generation...

Don't blink... the time goes so fast... before you know it he will be driving or she will be going off to college...

In our hearts we know it is true. From the sleep deprived days of sobbing into the newborn clothes as we put them away and pull out the next size, we know in our hearts that these days are numbered. 

No one tells you that in the middle of a busy getting-ready-for-school morning. The youngest will take off the "rainbow dash" shoes she decorated for herself with such pride last year and announce that they are too small and she wants older kid shoes now.

No one tells you that those little shoes will be left there on the floor, in front of the heater where she always gets dressed, as if it doesn't even matter that she is walking away from the rainbow dash days.

We keep trying. We try to prepare younger moms for these moments. We keep passing on the wisdom in hopes that the next mom will slow down a little more, soak in the moments more often, say yes a little more often. Because one of these days no one in your house will say that rainbow dash is their favorite color.

In Praise of the Normal

After a rough spell with blinding pain in my head for days then another week of recovery my life has returned to normal this week.

Yeah the normal of this week includes sick children and doctor visits and antibiotics for the 2 with strep. It includes trips to Walmart and juggling who drives which vehicle when and where. It includes the irritation of getting in the vehicle, a little late for an eye doctor appointment, to be greeted by the low fuel level warning and the phone dying as I attempt to send a not so cheerful message to the person who last drove said vehicle. It includes new driver training and looking at very sore throats with my phone flashlight in the middle of the night.

But normal is good.

It includes extra time with kids home from school. It includes chores done well by a proud 9 year old. It includes an early arrival home from work for Keith during tax season. It includes the end of basketball season and the beginning of more time at home for the boys. It includes laughing over the different options available when ordering glasses online with Annika.

It is a combination of the funny, the busy, the frustrating, the well, and the sick moments that make up my life right now. Normal is good. I cannot help but look around and praise God for the normal moments of this life of mine.

Phoenix Or {And} Bust

I did it. I went to Phoenix for a photography workshop. It was amazing. The ladies who planned it went above and beyond. It was fun and it was educational. I learned so much and I'm super excited to build on what I've learned.

We did a photo shoot with teen models in a salvage yard one afternoon. I had never done a shoot in a salvage yard, but I totally loved it. The colors and props and textures were so varied. I would love to do that again and intend to try to find one around here that will let photographers in.

We had a lesson on free lensing one morning. That is where you hold your lens in front of your camera rather than actually attaching it. It is difficult, but it gives you focus options that are so creative.

We also took a sunrise walk in the desert. It was so beautiful. But I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

Shooting photos of families, learning to know new people and strengthening relationships with ladies I had met before, seeing beauty in a totally different environment from what I am accustomed to... all of these things were part of the time there.

Unfortunately, a migraine was also part of my time there, that is where the bust part of the post title comes in. It started on Thursday, the day after I arrived and lasted until several days after I got home. It was the fly in my ointment for sure. I shot quite a few pictures through sunglasses, relying on my camera's light meter. Thankfully, I did get some lovely pictures that I'm very happy with.

At the end of my trip I even got to spend some time with my sweet Aunt Beverly. I had so much fun spending time with her. My Uncle David, whom I had not seen in probably 15 years came to her house and we all had dinner together. It was truly a perfect end to my trip. She even let me take her picture while I was there!

I can't wait for next year. I can't tell you how fun these workshops are. And how educational. I have never been part of anything like this before. It is like building family, community. It is what we all long for and I am very thankful to be part of this group.

I Am Chronic Pain

In the world of illness and diagnoses, we often hear the encouraging statements, "You are not your diagnosis" or "Your illness does not define you." These are helpful and well-meaning comments with a measure of truth to them.

There was a point that I said these things and felt good about the many things that I do in spite of my chronic pain. I mean, I travel to Asia every 6 months and survive an emotionally taxing and physically exhausting trip. I crank out those blog posts after long days in the orphanage so that everyone back home can follow along. My illness does not define me!

I get up every day. Fight the early morning pain; get the children off to school; then I sit down and edit photos, write blog posts, and post about children needing homes. I answer emails and send messages to potential families. I am not my diagnosis!

God sometimes takes his children on long, hard journeys. Somewhere in the past 4 plus years of constant pain, he started gently speaking to my heart. "Maybe I have chosen to have illness and pain as a defining part of who you are... Maybe you will someday see yourself as I see you and will see that I have chosen you to define grace through pain..." And I knew he was asking me to embrace the pain, to live with it well instead of living well in spite of it.

It has taken me a long time. But I am chronic pain. The fact of it determines my every move. Every activity is weighed against the toll it takes on my body, from my meager energy stores. I don't live my life in spite of it. I live the life I live because of it. I pray so much going throughout my day that Eliana began saying God's name as an expression because when I stand up or move I often say, "Oh God, give me strength" under my breath.

My family doesn't love me in spite of my illness. They love me through it, along side it, maybe even because of it. It certainly means I have more time to just be with them with nothing else going.

Embracing it opens me to accepting it. Do not get me wrong. If something comes along that would cure me or make my daily life easier I would sign up tomorrow and thank God from the bottom of my heart. And I do take strong pain medicines to help me cope with the pain. But for now, I accept it as part of the plan for me.

Chronic pain is part of me, embracing that is hard, but freeing. Learning to live with it graciously and well? Now that is an ongoing effort. I don't know what the future holds, but right now I believe that God is asking me to be the definition of grace through pain. All I want is to do so faithfully.

Over the last few years there are things that have become much clearer to me. Somehow my body is always pushed. I am always needing to push myself to do anything. This has forced me to take a good hard look at my life. What is really worth pushing myself for? There are a lot of things that make that list. There are also a lot of "obligations" that do not make that list. When an opportunity arises if my response to it is not an absolutely yes! then it is a firm no. I wish I had lived more of my life this way.

There is nothing like the emotional trauma of having a life-changing invisible illness to make a person look beyond what meets the eye in situations that come up. If you are hurting in any way, emotionally, physically, spiritually, anything I am so happy to be there for you. Any time. Any where. And I have most likely dealt with any loneliness or dark thoughts that you have faced. Chronic illness can send the mind to dark places. Thankfully God is a God of light even on the darkest days. I am learning this slowly, but I am willing to delve into the darkness with anyone.

But pettiness and drama? Count me out. My mind is too taken up with the difficulty of dealing with life to tolerate gossip or conflict over things that do not concern me. I am out of the loop. I live out of the loop. I need to stay there for my own wellbeing.

If God is asking you to do something hard, you can trust him. He has a purpose. Embrace it. Live well with it. And if you need someone who understands please reach out. Find me on Facebook or email me at erinmrtn@yahoo.com. Don't even hesitate.

Hi. My name is Erin and I suffer with chronic pain.